Leaving a marriage is a tough decision, especially when you are a stay at home mom. The uncertainty that comes along with it, wondering how you will be able to leave with no income. Learn today how to leave a marriage with no money.
Had Shakespeare been alive today, he certainly would have had a tough time thinking about the new sequel to Romeo and Juliet- the 21st century Romeo and Juliet, where the tragic end to the beautiful love story will not be the consequence of a family conflict but rather an outcome of a rotten marriage.
How many couples have actually thought of ending their marriage at some point of time in life? And how many actually do it?
The UN in its overview of global marriage patterns showed the upward trend: globally, the percentage of adults of age 35-39 who divorced has doubled, from 2% in the 1970s to 4% in the 2000s.”https://ourworldindata.org/marriages-and-divorces
Well, the numbers may not even look shocking anymore because most of us have come across, or at least have heard about enough events to know that not all marriages work out though we are yet to accept this fact as a society.
It may have been a great beginning but the love gradually disappeared in the wisp of worries and distrust to vanish forever, or probably it was just a normal start that turned into an unbearable tragedy later on.
If the present is slowly turning into a nightmare of fear, annoyance, and depression, well, it is high time you hear the warning alarm without pushing the snooze button!
However, even after reaching that final decision of walking away from a marriage, some individuals encounter the toughest question of this whole process- ‘how to leave a marriage with no money?’
Is it possible to leave a marriage if you have nowhere to go? No finances, no support?
Dealing With the Dilemma of leaving a Marriage With No Money
While heading towards the conclusion that your marriage must need to end, it is natural for the mind to go in two different directions.
Both the individuals in a relationship invest a ton of time, energy and efforts. Hence it feels ridiculous to finally end it on a bad note and as a result the mind is going to speak up to try and save the marriage- “Am I not making enough efforts?”, “Should I try once again?”, “What are the neighbors going to say?”, “I can’t allow my marriage to fail”, “I cannot afford to leave “, and the arguments go on and on until you are convinced to try once more.
However, feeling lonely, lost, scared, trapped and stuck in a marriage every single day, is an important indication that you cannot let your mental health go down the drain this way. It may not necessarily be the fault of the persons involved in the relationship, or even the people around them, the fact remains that circumstances lead to the best as well as the worst consequences. So, you must take action.
You Must leave a Marriage When…
You have had enough with trying to make it work. Or there is any type of abuse or simply it is not serving either of you well anymore. Nobody is saying it will be easy, but however it may turn out, it will certainly be better than this dead end.
THE PREP PHASE
Now, that you have overcome the biggest dilemma, brace yourself for the big changes about to enter your life. It begins with the prep phase. But how to prepare to leave a marriage?
- Take Control
An unhappy marriage may have rendered your confidence and dignity ripped apart even if you failed to realize the signs of an unhappy marriage earlier on. Start by building a strong, firm, and confident self once the epiphany hits you. Learn and take control of your fickle mind, overpowering emotions, and hence your overall life.
- Talk it out
Find people- men and women who have experienced something similar or are undergoing a similar phase in their marital life. Exchange ideas and feelings to gain that emotional support. Have a conversation about how you feel, about all the planning and what’s the next step.
These conversations provide the emotional support and reassurance that you are not alone and allows you a better insight and retrospection in your decisions.
Moreover, turn to inspirational stories or blogs along with the people who have come out of a bad marriage strong and successful, and are living their dream life at the moment.
- Seek help
Finance, if not the kids is one of the biggest hurdles for the people contemplating a divorce. How to leave your better half (well, it is better to say worse half) with no money?
One way is the tremendous job hunt! The other, tougher option is to seek help! Cause help doesn’t come to you until you ask for it.
Spend sufficient time in research to garner enough information about the choices you have for your financial support. This may include bank loans, NGO services, social services in your locality etc., help can be asked as funds or by contacting the ones who have been like you but have come out of it.
Planning Is Key to Leaving a Marriage With No Money
Since the prep phase of leaving an unhappy marriage molded you into a determined and resilient individual, it is time to rack those brains to formulate a perfect plan! have the main plan and a backup plan, for just in case your original plan does not work out.
- Start with assessment
Assess your situation. ‘How much should I save?’, ‘How much is needed for my kids?’, ‘What are the skills I know?’, ‘What are the skills I can learn?’ Make sure your mind is working in the right course of action. Brush aside the emotions for a while and think clearly, strategize and plan out to respond to these pressing questions.
- Get to the bank
To save up anything or become independent you need to have separate bank accounts It is an imperative step towards your financial independence. Be sure to check with your state’s laws as well. Some states will not allow this, it would still be counted as both of your incomes.
- The bucket-list
Alright, I get it. It’s a bit ironic to think about your wish-list right after taking a depressing decision to break the ties. However, in times like such where hopelessness might bring the worst in you, it isn’t too bad to be positive, is it? So, instead of waiting for the happiest days of your life to start dreaming again, write down an inventory of wishes at this very moment when you require the most of the optimism.
- Put the skills to practice
What are you good at? What are your best traits? Work on them and try hard to grab a job befitting those skills. It need not be a great start with a 6-figure salary. Miracles don’t happen in a day. And if the motive is to be able to afford to leave a marriage with enough savings to survive and sustain your children, you do not have many options initially. So, better stick to the job if its enough to get you started and sustain your kids after the separation from your spouse.
It can be anything you specialize in- cooking, writing, teaching, etc. The new era of technology has opened enough doors for those hunting menial jobs- online jobs, babysitting, start-ups are not uncommon anymore to get people started as independent individuals.
However, do not settle for less though you start with it. Continue honing your skills to achieve your bucket-list goals. And that list does not include babysitting or the mundane online jobs for sure, does it?
- Sell out the junk!
Rummage around the house and you can easily get hold of unnecessary or even unwanted stuff lying around, adding to the junk. Or it may not be a ‘junk’. Could be the clothes you adore or the favorite watch, but isn’t more important than money at the moment, right?
- Do not depend on alimony
Alimony is all about accountability, and a credible, reliable spouse is not necessarily a part of all divorce stories. So, instead, find your own way and become self-reliant.
That Annoying Paperwork – get It Done!
Lawyers in black coats, legal documents, signatures are all a tedious business. But chill out! It is at least easier than making money! After going through the step-by step guide on how to leave a marriage with no money, it is time to cut the last knot to end it forever.
Remember, your partner may not be the one to blame always’? Thus, unless they are a jerk or too cranky to listen up, or if the situation was abusive; communicate the decision well in advance. They deserve this conversation. They deserve to be involved in this.
The final signatures after settling all the legalities regarding the alimony, mortgages and hundred other documents your lawyer will blabber about, you have finally come to an end of it all.
It is not a dead end anymore, it is an end with a new beginning, new aspirations, new life and obviously new problems, because the world is not a fairytale.
The Peace After All
Let Your Mind and Soul Heal. Let it heal from the depressing, stressful series of events you have been through to gain this peace. Well, it is highly unlikely for you to be at peace initially, to be honest, though the mental torture is over.
Things may get tough, financial security may be a constant worry, work and kids- too tough to handle alone. Nevertheless, seek the emotional support from friends and family. Meet often, visit people you connect with regularly.
Keep up the energy and positivity, you’ll find new opportunities, dreams, success, and the peace shall be attained ultimately.
Steps to leave a Marriage With No Money
- Plan how you will leave
Where will you stay or will your spouse move to a different location? How will you make money? How will custody work? Ask friends and or family to assist your decision making. More input can be helpful as they are looking in with a different perspective.
- Save Up Money
Saving up money will be hard for some, especially if your spouse was financially abusive. Check your states laws about opening a checking and savings account in only your name. Ask your lawyer about legalities to consider as well.
- What Will your Housing Situation Be?
You and the kids need a stable place to live. Decide if you will stay in your current place or move to a different locatio0n. Take into consideration the shared custody with your children. How far apart from their other parent do you want to be and be OK with? Sometimes moving across the state or to another state seems to be the perfect solution, but remember sharing custody means your child will be at a totally separate location than you will be in.
- Earning Income
You will need money to survive! List all your skills you have. If your area has a place who helps people build their resume and helps them find a job, I highly recommend you go their prepared with your list of skills. Include any skills you have or talents too. Yes, even food shopping can be a transferred skill. Find a job you enjoy doing, one that has perks and benefits preferably, so you can build and grow the future you want.
- File the Paperwork
Filing the paperwork will be an emotional roller coaster, but legally it needs to be done. It will benefit you in many ways and will allow you to build your new future without holding you back.